Thursday, March 3, 2016

Baby #3?

It was about a year ago when we were still living in California, that I can remember telling my husband I felt like we were done having kids.  He agreed with me.  We had our two, extremely cute, extremely healthy, extremely wild & crazy boys & that was all we needed.  And could handle.

Around this time we started looking into the possibility of moving to Texas... & my husband said "You better not say let's move to Texas & then decide you want to get pregnant again."

Fast forward to a year later... we are living in Texas, settled in, & I have full blown baby #3 FEVER.  I had a conversation with one of my friends about it the other day & she reminded me of that comment Michael made about how I better not want another baby if we move.  I had completely forgotten about that.  He predicted it, but I truly did not.  I did NOT see having another baby even a possibility for awhile there.

What made me change my mind?  I guess it's a combination of a few things.  I've always pictured us having 3 kids.  Also, we moved to the most perfect suburban area, in one of the best school districts in the nation, with a cost of living you can't beat.  But what really started the fever was a certain conversation I had when we were on a business trip last October with Michael in Florida.  I was pushing the kids around the trade show hall in the stroller while my husband was working, & a sweet man around my age asked me how old my boys are.  It sparked up a conversation & he started telling me how he has 2 daughters, the same age as my boys.  I asked him if he was done having kids & without even thinking about it he said "absolutely not."  I said "What makes you so sure of your decision?"  His response was not what I expected & I had no clue what an impact it would leave on me.  He said "When we're older & our kids are grown up, graduating college & then starting their own families, we will never regret having a lot of kids.  Our whole life will be about our kids, & their kids.  We will want as many family members to share our lives with as possible, & they will come back to take care of us someday when we can't take care of ourselves anymore."  Boom.  Just like that, a perspective I had never even considered before.  It changed my whole way of thinking.

Before this conversation, thoughts of having a third child were terrifying.  I imagine myself an even hotter mess than I already am, running around in puked on sweat pants holding a screaming baby, Brody playing in the fire place & Cole making out with girls in the front yard.  I imagine a drained bank account, fights between my husband & I, & not being able to go on vacation for 10 more years.  I immediately pictured the worst case scenario.

But the conversation I had with this insightful man really helped me to realize something.  This short period in life of raising tiny humans is only temporary.  The hard part will be over before we know it.  Eventually they'll be bratty teenagers we hardly ever see.  Instead of saying "mom, mom, mom mom," on repeat to tell us something silly, we will be trying our hardest to get them to talk to us & tell us about their day.  What 's going on in their heads.  After that, they'll soon be moving out, going to college, & then starting their lives as an adult.  At this point, we will still have decades before we leave this Earth.  Our homes will be quiet, empty, & we will be waiting for our kids to call us & tell us how they're doing.  When we can see them next.  We will have framed pictures of our kids & their families all over our house, & will brag to everyone we possibly can about how proud we are of these amazing, perfect humans we raised.  Well, at least that's how I picture we will feel.

Our children are an extension of us.  They are our hearts, walking around outside of our bodies.  I am so blessed to be a mother... I know this.  And if God has a different plan for us, if we are not meant to have another baby, then that's okay.  We really do have all we need.   I know the yearning for another baby would slowly fade away into the back of my mind & I would move on, happily!

As for right now, in this moment, I am not convinced that we are finished.  I have always imagined myself with 3 kids, a family a 5 like I grew up with.  With our "Jackson 5" license plate.  All piling into our big family SUV to drive to the lake for the day, having big family holidays with lots of noise & laughter, summer days in the back yard BBQing & the kids swimming in the pool.  I see happy chaos like when I was a kid.  With or without a third child, this is what I want & this is what we'll have.

Now, if we do have a third, that'll be enough for us.  3 is definitely the max.  The clock is ticking, & I don't want the third to be too far behind the boys.  I can't wait to see what the future holds for us.  I mean, how could I NOT want another Michael & Stevie creation?

Only time will tell.

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